Mas Mas'werte Ka Nga E

Meron akong isang kakilala na nandito rin sa Canada (ibang probins'ya nga lang) kasi caregiver din siya. Nag-e-mail siya sa 'kin, sinasabi na mas mas'werte raw ako sa kanya kasi kamag-anak ko ang inaalagaan ko. Eto mismo ang sabi n'ya sa 'kin:

'buti ka pa, kamag-anak mo lang ang inaalagaan mo; [samantalang] ako, ibang tao na, Jewish pa. Kelangan ng pagkarami-raming adjustments sa araw-araw.

Ang sabi ko naman sa kanya:

Alam mo, minsan, mas masarap pang makisama, lalo na ang magsilbi, sa hindi mo kamag-anak; kasi bukod sa pinapasahod ka na at sinusunod ang oras ng trabaho at may araw ng pahinga, wala pang personalan. Kapag kamag-anak kasi, kadalasan ay hindi nila nakikita ang tulong o sakripisyo na ginagawa mo e; mas naipaparamdam nila sa 'yo na utang na loob mo na mapunta ka sa bansang tulad ng Canada. Para bang hindi nila matanggap na malaki rin naman ang naitutulong mo, lalo na nga't wala ka namang sweldo. Para bang hindi nila alam ang konsepto ng mutualism.

Marami kasing mga Filipino rito sa Canada na ang tingin nila sa mga tao sa Pilipinas ay naghihirap na animo'y mga pulubi. Oo, mahirap ang buhay sa Pilipinas subalit hindi naman ibig sabihin ay naghihikahos na ang bawat pamilya roon. At lalong hindi ibig sabihin na kaya ako nagpunta rito ay dahil namili ako between death and life. Malaki ang pagkakaiba ng choosing between a good and a better life at choosing between a miserable and good life. Personally, kabilang ako sa una...dahil hindi naman miserable ang buhay ko sa Pilipinas. Sa katunayan nga eh, bukod sa maganda na ang trabaho ko bilang editor ay malaki pa ang sweldo ko, dagdag pa r'yan ang sidelines ko. At higit sa lahat, kapiling ko ay mga taong nagmamahal sa akin at nirerespeto ang pagkatao ko dahil sa kilala nila ako mula kuko sa paa hanggang dulo ng buhok.

Eh, bakit ka nga ba pumayag na pumunta r'yan sa Canada kung gayong maganda naman pala ang buhay mo?

Dahil, tulad na nga ng sabi ko, I was choosing between a good life and a better life. Subalit bukod pa r'yan, alam ko rin naman kasing walang mag-aalaga sa lolo ko na, kung hindi siguro ako natuloy pumunta rito, malamang nasa isang nursing home na.

Marami akong kakilala na nagsasabi na ang sarap daw ng buhay ko rito kasi nasa bahay lang naman daw ako, laging nakababad sa computer. Yun ang akala nila! Magpalit kaya kami ng kalagayan? Tutuo ang sinasabing mas mahirap ang walang ginagawa kaysa subsob sa trabaho. Subalit malalim pa r'yan ang dahilan kung bakit ganito ang sentimyento ko. Hindi ko na bubulatlatin pa, tutal naman ay alam na ng mga taong pinagkakatiwalaan ko. Basta, ang ibig ko lang ipahiwatig, mutual for both parties ang aking pagkakapunta rito.

H'wag na h'wag kong maririnig ang sumbat na "walang utang na loob." Dahil hindi ako gago at tanga. At lalong hindi ako mangmang. Tahimik lang ako dahil wala pa akong sariling buhay na magbibigay sa akin ng karapatang manindigan uli sa aking mga paniniwala at prinsipyo. Minsan lang ako magyayabang...mas matalino pa ako sa karamihan ng mga taga-Canada!

Kung nakapunta man ako rito sa Canada, pinagbabayaran ko naman ang lahat ng 'yan. Sobra-sobra pa nga ang bayad ko e. Napakasakit lang kasi na maramdaman na para bang ako lang dapat ang magpasalamat at nakapunta ako rito. Aba, tulad na rin ng nabanggit ko na, kung hindi ako natuloy, eh ewan ko na lang kung ano gagawin ng mga kamag-anak ko sa lolo ko. Sino kaya ang itotoka nilang mag-alaga rito.

Lagi kasi nilang iniisip na hindi naman alagain si Lolo. Nuon 'yun, several years ago; kasi ngayon, ultimo pagligo at paghugas ng p'wet 'pag tatae ay hindi na n'ya kaya. Sino kaya sa kanila ang kayang maghugas ng p'wet ni Lolo? Sino kaya ang mapupuyat gabi-gabi para pagsabihan si Lolo dahil parang bata na kung anu-ano pa ang binubutingting kahit madaling-araw? Sino kaya ang kakabahan sa t'wing mistulang inaatake sa puso si Lolo? Sino kaya ang hindi magtatrabaho para magbantay kay Lolo, dahil hindi na talaga eto p'wedeng iwanang mag-isa, gabi man o umaga? Sino kaya ang magiging shock absorber at tagasalo ng galit sa t'wing tinotopak si Lolo?

At higit sa lahat, sino kaya ang magt'ya-t'yagang mapirmi sa bahay nang mahigit dalawang taon, walang day-off na dala-dala ang lahat ng hinanakit at sakripisyo na nabanggit ko, na walang tinatanggap na sweldo o regular na allowance man lang?

Bakit? Kahit weekend man lang e hindi ka makalabas mag-isa?

E paano nga lalabas e wala ngang pera e. Alangan namang nasa mall ako na pamasahe lang ang dala? Ano, hindi na 'ko kakain? Maglalaway na lang sa mga nakikita ruon? Pucha! Eh di lalo lang akong nagmukhang-kawawa!

Samantalang sa Pilipinas e nabibili ko lahat ng gusto ko, lalo't hindi naman ako maluhong tao. E dito, ultimo pambili ng five-dollar na phone card para man lang makausap mga mahal ko sa buhay e pino-problema ko pa e.

Di bale, konting tiis na lang, aLfie. Pasasaan ba't uunlad ka rin d'yan at makakapamuhay sa paraang gusto mo.

Konting tiis? 'Tang ina! Kayo kaya lumagay sa p'westo ko!

Bahala Na

Oh my, I am yet again afflicted with bouts of boredom, homesickness, and hopelessness. I'm feeling so much emotionally drained.

Ang tagal naman ng panahon. Ang hirap namang magsakripisyo. Minsan, kahit alam ko namang para sa 'kin at sa future family ko ang lahat ng pinaghihirapan kong ito e para bang hindi ko makita o maramdaman 'yan. Madali kasing magbigay ng advice, pero kapag sarili na ang nakataya, ibang usapan na; mahirap makita ang positive side.

Minsan naitatanong ko sa sarili ko, Ganito ba talaga kahirap ang sitwasyon ko at ganoon na lang ang lamya ng damdamin ko? O sadyang mahina lang ang loob ko; magaling magbigay-payo sa kaibigan subalit madaling mawalan ng pag-asa kung sarili na ang pinag-uusapan?

Ah, sa tingin ko, kayang intindihin ng ilan ang ibig kong sabihin, pero hinding-hindi mararamdaman ninuman ang hirap na tinutukoy ko dahil wala sila sa kalagayan ko. Kaya ngayon, hindi na rin ako masyado nagbibigay ng payo sa mga kaibigan ko, kasi ni sarili ko nga e hindi ko makumbinse na pagsubok lang ang lahat ng ito.

Balik na naman ako sa...Bahala na kung anumang mangyari sa buhay ko.

Legend Became Myth

Photo taken on Saturday, March 19, 2005; in the downstair washroom of the house, Surrey, British Columbia, Canada

"And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend, legend became myth...."—Galadriel, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

An eLf or a Ranger?

Photo taken on Saturday, March 19, 2005; in the living room of the house, Surrey, British Columbia, Canada

"This is no mere ranger. He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him your allegiance."—Legolas to Boromir, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

The Purple Landscape of My Mind

Photo taken on Friday, March 18, 2005; in the living room of the house, Surrey, British Columbia, Canada

In a hole on the ceiling, there lives a purple ant....

Such a Little Thing

Photo taken in the morning of Sunday, March 20, 2005; in the living room of the house, Surrey, British Columbia, Canada

"It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing."—Boromir to the One Ring, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

"Cut Your Hair"

Photo taken in the morning of Sunday, March 20, 2005; in the living room of the house, Surrey, British Columbia, Canada

"Darlin’ don’t you go and cut your hair
Do you think it’s gonna make him change?
I’m just a boy with a new haircut
And that’s a pretty nice haircut"

—Pavement, "Cut Your Hair" (Crooked Rain; 1994, Matador Records)

A Smile in Spring

Photo taken in the morning of Sunday, March 20, 2005; front of the house, Surrey, British Columbia, Canada: A smile in Spring is almost always better than a whine in Winter.

Photo taken in the morning of Sunday, March 20, 2005; front of the house, Surrey, British Columbia, Canada

Ode to Spring (In Surrey)

O Sun! A star ablaze on the sacred sky
Gardens are gaudy; grasses are green on the glorious ground
Squirrels sneak silently on the shaded streets
Crows and gulls cackle in glee
Cirrostratus clouds splendid in their clarity

No more scarves nor bonnets nor mitts
No more worries about snow ice and slips

Tree trunks, barks, and branches are browner
Lustrous leafs, shimmery as if chandeliers
People are friendly; pets are frisky
Songs are cheerful; chores are simple

Winter is gone; Spring has come
The first of floral feasts and frolic and fun

O Spring! A sunny season anew in Surrey, the city where I stay


– 11:28 p.m., Sunday, March 6, 2004; Surrey, British Columbia
While listening to “Braveheart” by Vermont Sugar House
(single release; 1999, Firestation Records)

The DOZENTH of a Dozen Verses

Photo taken in the morning of Sunday, March 20, 2005; front of the house, Surrey, British Columbia, Canada: Spring once again! Flowers for you, my Demure.

I never really thought
That I could reach this far!
Almost five months had passed
Since I began this ritual.

The dozenth of a dozen—
Oh is this a good omen?
Waka, mantra, kanshi, Zen
All of them inspire my pen.

At least, it's kind of telling me
That Time has, after all, been ticking,
Albeit still very sluggishly,
So I will forever be whining!

I am the master of mope!
I am the captain of tortured souls!

March 15, Monday

*Bérde*

Bákit 'pag iká'y mahálay,
Bérde raw ang útak mo?
Mínsan namán ay símboló
Ng masagánang búhay.

Kung kayamánan ang 'yong pákay,
Sa luntíang búkid mamúhay.
Tungò sa tagumpáy ay panáy
Bérdeng halímaw, nakabantáy.

Kapág púso'y punô ng inggít at ngitngít,
Silakbô ng damdámin ay kúlay bérde;
Párang mádreng sinasapían ng d'yáblo—
Di mapigílan ang táwag ng líbido.

Ikáw? Bérde ba ang kúlay ng táe at súka mo?
Bastá akó, luntían ang lahát ng pangárap ko.

March 16, Tuesday

*Síbol*

Namúmulaklák na namán
Ang mga haláman sa palígid.
Ang mga púno't damuhán,
Luntían na namán sa áking masíd.

Tahól ng mga áso't kakák ng mga íbon,
Diníg na diníg sa buóng maghápon.
Símoy ng kahangínan, amóy táe na namán;
Palibhása mga ámo't alágang áso, nagkálat sa lansángan.

Báwat hakbáng ko,
Taás ang ilóng at noó.
Pára bang ngumíngitì ang mga úlap,
Nagsásayaw sa alapáap;

Hábang akó at si Lólo,
Anímo'y pagóng sa pag-úsad.

March 17, Wednesday

*Kúmot*

Ang lakí ng túlong sa ákin ng kúmot:
Pambálot kung giníginaw ang áking katawán;
Panalukbóng kung liwánag ay áyaw masiláyan;
Pamúnas t'wing pagtúlo ng lúha'y di mapigílan;
Kauláyaw kung nangúngulíla't nangangailángan;
Kayákap kung nag-íisa't nahihíntatakútan.

Kayá namán kúmot ko'y alágang-alága ko,
S'ya'y nilálabhan ko nang 'sang béses isáng linggo.
Maáyos ko itong 'tinítiklop
Sa t'wína ako áy nagsisínop.
At kung sakáling máyroon kamíng mga bisíta,
Kasáma ng únan s'ya ay 'tinatágo ko múna.

Mawala ná ang káma at únan,
H'wag na h'wag lang ang kúmot kong tángan.

March 18, Friday

*>*

Than Spring your beauty is fresher.
Than flowers your smile's lovelier.
Than sunshine your warmth is more comforting.
Than caregivers you are far more caring.

Than love and lust melted together
Our passion's more intense and greater!
Than life and death defied altogether
Our courage is much stronger and braver.

Sweeter than love,
Larger than life,
Swifter than death,
More hackneyed than clichés—

Of adoring your face,
I won't run out of ways.

March 19, Saturday

*Candles*

More than a hundred candles
Were burning in March.
If only I could cover
My face with starch.

Ninety for Grandpa,
Four and thirty for Mike,
Seven for Amber;
Oh birthday candles I like!

More than a hundred candles
For my loved ones I shall burn;
To love and to cherish,
For wisdom and for hope.

And I wouldn't tarnish—
I'm the Master of Mope!

March 20, Sunday

*Slice*

A slice of cake we will partake,
Life's not a box of chocolate;

A snake's try'ng to devour a rake.
Why's it taboo to masturbate?

A few good books, and not a chaff of wood;
A quiz show's better than a TV food.

Come with me to a road forbidden,
And all your qualms will be forgotten.

A bonsai leaf, not a banyan tree,
Is what can give me delight and glee—
'Nough with which to carve my poetry.

A happy home, not a house in Bree,
With a lovely wife and family
Is what can bestow me gaeity.

March 21, Monday

*Lather*

Creamy-white lather on purple sponge
'Smooth and soft on my yellow-gloved hands.
Sweet, sour crusty yellow mélange
Transcends me to erotic lands.

'Sprinkles of water from the sink,
A raindrop of tears makes me blink.
A taste of my Belovèd's syrupy saliva!
O how it inflames me, like the Gita Govinda.

You arouse me, my Lady Godiva;
Let me be your Peeping Tom.
Every time we kiss, suck, and fondle—Ahh!
I spin like a CD-ROM.

.....Sweet, sour crusty purple mélange,
.....Oh melt on my smooth, soft bare hands!

March 22, Tuesday

*Rhapsody*

Tonight, you and I are cybersleeping in the clouds.
......My Belovèd, utter it aloud—
In my ears your soft voice is a rhapsody of sounds—
....."We'll make love in a merry-go-round!"

Oh Divine Fletcher,
......To Thee my gratitude I offer;
If not for Thine arrows,
......I could've been lost like shadows.

Practice never makes one perfect,
......It can only make one better;
Yet I'm blissed out by the prospect,
......'Stretching the length of my tether.

But tonight, my Belovèd,
.....We will sleep in the same bed.

March 23, Wednesday

*Shoo!*

The two great things for which I admire Imelda Marcos
Are her shoe collection and the beauty of Ilocos,
Then everything else about her stinks like asbestos!

I may not be political,
Yet I can be too critical;
Never been hypocritical
But def'nitely atypical.

The worst thing for which I disregard religion
Is its retarding effect on every nation—
It delimits the options and creates factions;
It promotes regression instead of progression;

Fear of the unknown is the beginning of ignorance.

Floccinaucinihilipilification?
Nah, just a few of my learnèd observations.

March 24, Thursday

*Malice*

Hot as blue flame my hatred is.
My eyes are burning red—malice!

Affection I no longer feel.
My wounded heart, will't ever heal?

Until when will I be burdened?
Do I deserve to be condemned?

Yesterday's ember is now fiery anger—
More acute and fatal than dengue fever.

Like a dormant volcano
I can spew an inferno,
So heed me when I say no.

I'm certain you'll believe that I've had it,
For this will be the first time I'll write it—
Fuck it! Fuck it! I'm sick of this bullshit!

March 25, Friday

*Fertile*

My mind is seldom fertile in the morning.
I feel bardic usually in the evening.

After every breakfast while I'm dish washing,
The lush backyard trees make me go a-brooding.

That's when verses weave their way out of my head,
Letting me realize that I'm not yet dead.

If 'tis really magic, how come my brain bled?
Tomorrow I wish we are on the same sled.

As the backyard swing sways, my eyes go a-sailing;
'Squirrels sneak and crows cackle, my heart's singing.

Oh how the grasses missed Mr. Lawnmower!
Pardon moi, the rain was such a hinderer.

But worry not, my precious love,
You'll always be my lovey dove.

March 26, Saturday

*Alamat*

'Gang díto na lang múna,
Mahál kong mambabása.
Mamámahinga láng ang pagód kong plúma;
Mulíng sasálok ng panibágong tínta.

Maglilímayon sa kabiláng pánig ng panitikán;
Magháhanap ng inspirasyón at mapaglílibangan.

H'wag magúlat; h'wag na h'wag mabahála't
Díwa'y mulíng tatamáan ng kidlát;
Ng tulâ muli na namáng susúlat.

Bálang áraw, mulíng aálon ang dágat;
Magbíbigay-ágos sa áking panúlat.

At sa pagsápit ng panahóng mithî,
Ikáw at silá'y kasáma kong mulî;
Ng bágong alamát táyo'y hahabì.

>>>
Upon sensing my exhaustion with this poetical odyssey that I've began almost five months ago, one friend had suggested that the dozenth of the series would be the best time to stop and conclude the series.

I paused and contemplated. I need a rest, I can feel it. But...

What if my mind is tenacious and the pen willing?

And what I wrote in the introduction of the first of a dozen is haunting me:

"I intend to indulge in this feat for as long as I have the words with which to express what I'm thinking and feeling...as a test of my literary courage and prolificacy."

What then shall I do? Stop shall I?

12 x 12 = 144

One hundred and forty-four! But still, it pales in comparison with the Tang Shi San Bai Shou, 英譯《唐詩三百首》, or the 300 poems of China's T'ang Dynasty; and especially with the Manyōshū, 万葉集, or the ten thousand leaves of Japanese poetry.

Therefore....

Never shall I stop! Until my mind bleeds.


Archive
The First
The Second
The Third
The Fourth
The Fifth
The Sixth
The Seventh
The Eighth
The Ninth
The Tenth
The Eleventh

Mochey, My Steve Madden

This, I think, is the simplest pair of shoes I have and still wear to this day. It was given, again, by the same brother-in-law who gave me Doc Marten's shoes.

By now, you might have already concluded that Jay is a generous person; well, right you are. Aside from being kind and soft-spoken—Jay is generous. Not only shoes and other stuff did I receive from him but also a Swatch and a Fossil watch, my favorite brands of watches. Before I left the Philippines, to another brother-in-law of mine I gave the Fossil; the Swatch I bequeathed to a former office friend, whose timely referral, in a period I was desperately looking for any decent job, had led me to a high-paying and self-fulfilling position as an editor at Diwa Scholastic Press Inc.

Of course, in my youth I also had my share of the more common types of shoes like espadrilles, rubber shoes, topsiders, and even moccasins and kung-fu shoes in elementary; but having introduced to and owned, in the '80s, fashionable or unconventional footwear like penny loafers, Ninja hi-top tabbi shoes, and creepers, I seemed to have developed a fancy for, in the words of a stranger, "'screaming' type of shoes."

Now, only Mochey remains to be the simplest type of shoes I wear. Rubber shoes—Grandfather's favorite? Oh, they just wouldn't fit on my feet.

But I wouldn't say no to anyone who would give me a pair of hi-cut Nike.

Browney, My Dark-Brown DMs

This is my new, fourth pair of Doc Marten's. I didn't buy it; Cousin Mike's friend Reynil gave it to me several weeks ago.

Reynil has always been the jolly and gregarious one. He never fails to greet his friends with an infectious smile and a childlike compliment. One day, noticing the pink DMs I was wearing, he said that he too had a pair of Doc Marten's boots but that he rarely wore it anymore so he wanted to give it to me. He even said that his pair was not as dazzling as my pink one, but that it was slightly used.

Dazzling or not, slightly used or worn out, of course his DMs excited me much. As I said, I have a great affection for Doc Marten's shoes.

One February night, Reynil and his wife, Arlene, dropped by at the house. As usual, Reynil's blithesome face greeted everyone; then, as he saw me, he uttered, "Hey, aLfie, here's the shoes I was telling you about...."

Of course, I couldn't suppress my delight as I took the dark-brown pair of Doc Marten's from him. I thanked Reynil profusely.

I was not too expectant, but I was glad he kept his promise.

Gundey, My Burgundy DMs

Already worn out but still wearable, this is my second pair of Doc Marten's which my brother-in-law Jay gave me when he visited the Philippines in 2000.

I remember Jay asking me to choose between the two Doc Marten's boots he brought from the United States—a red one and this burgundy. I liked the red one better, but because I needed a pair of shoes that could pass as a footwear for formal attire (I was in-between jobs at the time and didn't have a pair of leather shoes to wear to job interviews) I had to settle for this burgundy over the flamboyant red pair.

Gulliy, My Gulliver Shoes

This pair of shoes of mine is obviously inspired by the shoes worn by Dr. Lemuel Gulliver, the protagonist in the classic novel Gulliver's Travels, by the British author Jonathan Swift.

It was "love at first sight." The moment I first read Gulliver's Travels in elementary, I knew right away that it would become one of my favorite books. And right I was, for until now Gulliver's Travels belongs to my list of all-time favorites. I even own a copy of the 1996 film adaptation of the classic novel produced by Hallmark Home Entertainment, starring Ted Danson as Gulliver.

Aside from the diminutive Lilliputians, the monstrous Brobdingnaggians, and the wise Houyhnhnms, Gulliver's style of clothing—from hair to shoes—had certainly smitten me as a child—the reason in high school I used to cut my old pants just below the knee in imitation of those knee breeches Old Englishmen like the character Gulliver wore.

I also used to draw different versions of Gulliver's shoes, until I decided, in the mid-90s, to have a pair made at Luciano's Shoes (the same shoeshop that became known in the '80s for making Creepers). I remember bringing to Luciano's my drawings of Gulliver's shoes and explaining to the shoemaker the details. I waited for more than a month before Luciano's finished it. I was a bit disappointed because the shoemaker didn't follow our agreement concerning the shoes's tongue—I wanted them long and he made them short; perhaps he was trying to save on leather.

Nonetheless, my Gulliver's shoes came out very handsome. And like my eLf-shoes, it continues to tickle or tease the sensibilities of people who notice it whose common remark is,

"Isn't that a girl's shoes?"

To which my usual reply is,

"Have you read Gulliver's Travels?"

***
"I winked at my own Littleness as People do at their own faults."—Jonathan Swift, Gulliver's Travels

Pinkey, My Pink DMs

Pinkey, my third pair of Doc Marten's boots which I bought in 2003, days before I left my country

I have developed a seeming obsession with owning a Doc Marten's eversince I discovered the brand in the late '80s through my high-school friend Paolo Mendoza (immigrated to New York, USA, in 1987), who, in one of his letters to me, described his joy when he finally bought his dream shoes after receiving his first-ever salary in the United States—a Doc Marten's Black Boots.

I tried to look for a DMs in the Philippines during that time but in vain. And when I finally saw a shop selling DM boots, in the '90s, I realized that they were very expensive. So, when my brother-in-law Jay (my sister Karen's husband), who lives in Massachusetts, USA, asked me one time over the phone if I liked a pair of Doc Marten's, I unabashedly said yes and literally jumped for joy. I remember feeling as excited as my nephew Algae while waiting for weeks for the balikbayan box his dad was sending in time for Christmas of 1999.

Yes, I got my first pair of Doc Marten's late in life, but it was worth it. I came home from work one December day and saw the blue beauty lying brilliantly beside the couch—a Doc Marten's Electric-Blue Boots! I wore it to work. I wore it when my band had a gig. I wore it every time I had the chance. However, in 2003, to my slight dismay though (for it was already worn out), it was stolen from our backyard.

My second pair of DMs was, again, courtesy of the same brother-in-law—a Burgundy beauty, which is now already worn out, that I still wear to this day.

And Pinkey, my third pair of DMs, my favorite, I bought with my own money at the Doc Marten's Store at Glorietta/Ayala Center, Makati City, in 2003, days before I left the Philippines. I remember how I visited the store every time I was at Glorietta just to see that pink pretty. The salesperson must have already known me; although, I never tried to fit it; I just used to hold it and look at it with awe. So, when I finally had the money to spare, I returned to the store. And when I asked the same salesperson for a pair of size 8, I surmised he knew right away that I was all ready to bring that pair home. And bought it and brought it home I did. I never felt any hesitation in eventually handing over to the salesperson's palm my five thousand pesos in exchange for the box containing my new Doc Marten's Pink Boots.

Even here where I am, I never miss a look of awe every time I'm wearing it. And I don't mind whether that look meant "awesome" or "awful!"

What? Pink! A female color? Of course, not. I've almost never associated color with sexuality. I don't believe much in symbols.

Trust me. I'm not your typical human being. I'm simply different.

And my favorite colors since time immemorial are pink and purple.

Elfey, My Belovèd eLf-shoes

I personally designed this third pair of creepers of mine in the early '90s, with obvious reference to those curly-tipped shoes of elves and other fairies of Literature; and finally had it made in 1995 at Freddie's Shoes, located on Recto Ave., Manila, Philippines.

I very well remember how the shoemaker couldn't suppress his leprechaunish grin of disbelief while I was explaining to him the details of the drawing I made. The shoemaker, his assistant, and I were like architects and engineers discussing a strategy on how to go about the curly tips of the shoes.

The shoemaker made three distinct pairs of this so-named eLf-shoes: Elfey, a pair for my friend/bandmate Pet, and another for display, which was still in the shop's glass stall years after I had this pair made. Obviously, no one aside from Pet and me had the boldness to wear a pair of this Faerie-influenced creepers.

I still wear this belovèd eLf-shoes of mine once in a while, especially when I feel enchanted or whenever fairies are in the mood to shower me with pixie dust.

Creepey, My Brilliant-Red Creepers

This is my fourth pair of Creepers, the only one I bought ready-made, days before I left for Canada, 2003, at a fashion boutique at Goldcrest, Glorietta/Ayala Center, in Makati City, Philippines.

According to the salesperson, this was the only pair, imported from England, and that it was on display for already quite some time; virtually all customers had expressed their awe and fancy for this pair of beauty; but, obviously, no one dared to buy it except me.

As I said, Creepey was already my fourth pair of Creepers; the first one (black-suede cheetah-fur style; long deceased) and the second (sandal style; already worn out, it I gave to a Punk-Rocker acquaintance named Joseph before I left the Philippines) I bought custom-made at Luciano Shoes on Recto Ave., Manila, in 1988 and in 1991, respectively. The third one, my well-known eLf-shoes, my original design, I had it made in 1995 at Freddie's Shoes, also located on Recto Ave., Manila.

Creepers became popular in the Philippines in the '80s, especially among enthusiasts of the Punk Rock / New Wave music of the era. Fortunately, their popularity faded through the years, leaving them to the true fashion-unconventionals who have the guts to wear such shoes in full glory and confidence.

Here are some similar types of shoes that I wish to buy as soon as budget permits me:

Doc Marten's Peanut
Doc Marten's Twin T-Bar Black Red Rub-Off
Doc Marten's Red Shiny Patent Leather
TUK Lucy Pink Suede
TUK Barbie Pink Glossy
Tredair Two-Tone Baby-Blue-and-Light-Blue Maryjane
Tredair Two-Tone Fuschia-and-Pink Maryjane
Tredair Burgundy Swirly Smooth Leather
Tredair Pink Cathead
Gripfast Eye-Blue Steel Paratrooper Boots
Pennangalan Gulliver Shoes (because my custom-made Gulliver shoes are already worn out)
Rivithead Purple Flame Maryjane.

Two Old Friends Tripping Down Memory Lane (Part 2 of 3)

Illustration: "eLf," by Derrick Periodico

Roderick "Derrick" Periodico is my first-ever best friend in Elementary, circa late '70s. We first met each other in 1978, as classmates in Grade Three; from then on, we became very good friends; still in touch with each other after more than two decades. He is currently working as an artist at a Philippine-based advertising company, involved in making TV commercials. Illustrating has always been Derrick's passion. I remember the very first day I saw him, he was drawing a superhero character in his notebook. He is happily married to his high-school sweetheart, Marie; they have one child, the cute Zak, perhaps named after Zakk Wylde, a Heavy-Metal guitarist who was once the lead guitarist in Ozzy Osbourne's band. Drummer Derrick is a Heavy Metal music enthusiast, who started playing the drums in high school.

Thu, 9 Dec 2004

hello Mr. eLf,

Nag-aayos ako ng mga kalat ko rito sa office; at may nakita akong lumang drawing ko. Medyo kamukha mo, kaya 'bigay ko na lang sa' yo.

H'wag ka mag-alala, lagi akong nasa blog mo; di lang ako nagko-comment at napakatamad kong magsulat. Sana makita mo na kamukha mo nga yung drawing. Ears were added this afternoon.

dek

Wed, 16 Mar 2005

eLf,

Natuwa ako sa BMX story mo. 'Buti ka pa nga't nagkaro'n ng bike; ako, nung tumanda na lang. Nabuhay ako dati sa angkas at hiram.

At mas natuwa ako sa mga '80s pics mo. Minsan padala ako ng pictures nu'ng bata pa tayo.

derrick

***
Thu, 17 Mar 2005

Derrick,

Actually, kundi dahil nabanggit mo nga sa comment mo about that tuition fee, di ko maiisipang isulat ang story about that BMX. 'Galing talaga! Bawat tao na nakakasalamuha natin may cause and effect sa lahat ng ginagawa natin, lalo na kung kaibigan dahil syempre mas inspiring.

Yun ngang sinasabi kong picture nating tatlo nung Grade Three yata—you, Bayani Sauler, and me—hinahanap ko sa mga dala kong pictures pero nawawala. Malamang naiwan ko sa mga baol ko sa bahay namin sa San Pedro. Hindi ko naman maipahanap at busy sina utol at walang t'yaga mga 'yun na kumalkal ng mga "basura" ko sa bahay. Sayang, kasi ang ganda ng kuha nating tatlo—close-up, tapos yung mga buhok natin e pare-parehong apple cut. 'Ganda sana na "before and after," dahil, remember, nakapagpakuha tayong tatlo naman ni Darren nung nagkita nga tayo sa Megamall bago ako umalis papunta rito.

'Padala mo na agad 'yung pictures natin nu'ng bata pa tayo; magandang gawan ng stories mga 'yan. Sana meron 'yung tatlo tayo ni Darren. I don't remember the three of us having our pictures taken, pero bakasakaling meron. Nevertheless, basta magkasama tayong dalawa e okey na 'yan. Vivid pa sa memory ko, yung birthday mo (1982 yata 'yun) na um-attend si Ronald nga ba yun, 'yung chubby na classmate mo, tapos nag-scooter yata tayo, then hinabol tayo ng aso sa Annex 16–18? Nasira nga ba 'yung sapatos ni Ronald o 'yung pantalon n'ya? Ha-ha-ha, memories! Di ko na nga lang maalala yung details. Tapos, naaalala ko na may picture ako na, sabi ni Ronald itaas ko raw dalawa kong kamay, tapos yung maliit na two-tined fork para sa birthday cake itinaas nya, sabi n'ya parang ako raw yung tinidor, kasi nga payatot ako. Ha-ha-ha.

By the way, Grade Two nga ba tayo unang naging magkaklase? Basta ang natatandaan kong sections and advisers ko: Grade 1 – Santan, Ms. Magpoc; Grade 2 – Gumamela, Ms. Almaden; Grade 3 – Chico, Ms. Matutilla; Grade 4 – Marquerite (nga ba?), Ms. Almadin. Then, lumipat na nga ako sa Hen. Pio del Pilar Elementary School. Nung pagbalik ko ng St. Mary's the next year, s'yempre ahead na kayo nina Felix at Bayani. Gr. 5 – Macopa (Mrs. Lising) at Gr. 6 – Blueberry (Ms. Manguera) naman ang naging sections ko. Naaalala ko pa, uso ang "change sections" noon, di ba? Yung tipong isha-shuffle tayo. Naasar nga ako nuon, kasi ang hirap mapunta sa first section; di pa naman p'wede maging honor student ang hindi taga–section one. Palibhasa, yung teachers hinahakot lagi yung mga dati nang nasa first section. Kaya kung naumpisahan nang nasa lower section ka e halos hanggang duon ka na lang hanggang graduation. Ang tingin ko tuloy lagi nuon eh ang tatalino lahat ng nasa section one. Ha-ha-ha.

O s'ya, ipadala mo na agad yung scanned pictures natin.

aLfie

Dickson's Birthday

Photo taken on Monday, March 14, 2005, at Swiss Chalet Chicken & Ribs in Surrey, British Columbia, Canada: The Rana Family—children, Racquelle, Jordan, and Marissa; and the parents, Janet and Dickson

Cousin Mike and wife, Marivic, and children, Amber and Julie, were on a trip to Disneyworld, Orlando, Florida, United States, in the week of March 10 through 17, leaving practically only Grandfather and I at home. The children's nanny, Jenny, was working part-time at a mall.

Saturday afternoon, Tita Mely and Tito Mer called, informing that they'd pick us up if we wanted to go with them and attend the 7 p.m. mass at Our Lady of Good Counsel Church. To break the routine, I said yes despite my hesitation. They dropped by again the next day, with crabs to cook for dinner—Grandfather's favorite.

Monday afternoon, around 5:30, I was about to reheat the lamb's-tongue mechado that I cooked for dinner when the phone rang.

"Hi, aLfie. Janet here.... Would you and Papa like to join us at dinner? Today's Dickson's birthday...."

"Yeah, I know. I saw it on Friendster. Oh, wait, I'll ask Papa if he's already feeling okay, because this morning he said he was dizzy."

"Okay, just call me on the cellphone. Bye."

Obviously bored and restless, Grandfather's eyes lit up when I told him that Dickson was inviting us to his birthday dinner.

At around 6:30, Dickson arrived...and off we went to Swiss Chalet Chicken & Ribs in Surrey, where Janet and their children—Racquelle, Marissa, and Jordan—were already waiting.

Dickson and Janet, Mike and Marivic's best friends, have always been kind to us. They never forget to invite us when there's an important occasion. They and their children are also always present every time there's an occasion at the house.

On Friend Dickson's Birthday

Photo taken on Monday, March 14, 2005, at Swiss Chalet Chicken & Ribs in Surrey, British Columbia, Canada: I and Grandfather, the special guests at Dickson's birthday

While I feasted on my half-chicken breast dinner to the bones, Grandfather almost finished his favorite meal at Swiss Chalet—New York striploin steak with mashed potatoes—which was good, for Grandfather seldom reaches the half of his meal without complaining that his stomach is already full.

Two Old Friends Tripping Down Memory Lane (Part 1 of 3)

Photo taken in August 2003, days before my departure to Canada, at ShoeMart Megamall in Mandaluyong City, Metro Manila, Philippines: My first-ever school best friend Derrick Periodico, I, and his elder and only sibling, Darren. [I arrived in Canada weighing only about 105 lbs; my current weight is about 118 lbs. Twelve pounds more and I'd certainly be content.]

Mon, 18 Aug 2003

halfie,

Na-print ko na yung picture na pinadala mo. Binigyan ko si Tito Emer ng kopya.

Naaalala mo pa ba one time, birthday ko, may gift ka sa 'kin na pencils? Hanggang ngayon, 'yun pa rin ang ginagamit kong pencils sa trabaho ko, kumpleto pa rin, three pieces. Madami nang nagawang commercials 'yun. Pati 'yung latest ko sa Jollibee ('yung mag-inang nasa church). Di kaagad ako sumagot sa 'yo para maka-settle ka muna r'yan sa Canada.

derrick

P.S.:
Gano'n ba talaga 'pag nasa Canada na—dume-deretso ang Ingles? Hehehe.

Wed, 21 Apr 2004

hi halfie!

Isa pa rin kid ko, si Zak pa lang. He just turned three last April 19. 'Yung ibang nakita mo sa phlog, mga talent ko 'yun sa isang TV commercial. Medyo kamukha nga ni Zak mga bata ru'n, he-he.

Nagkaroon ng Sta. Clara Alumni Homecoming a couple of months back. Nandun si Rain; nagkita kami. Medyo marami rin ang um-attend, pero marami ring wala; isa ka na ru'n, at si Felix. Try mo i-search sa Yahoogroups Santa Clara and get updates from your batch. Nakakatuwa rin; 'daming k'wento, 'daming photos.

Si Felix rin, wala na 'kong contact, pero naging client namin 'yung isa n'yang brother from Bayer Philippines. Umalis na nga lang din at pumunta ng Canada even before makuha ko ang contact number or email addy ni Felix.

I still have our photos from way back; I'll look for them, and scan them for you. Maganda na ring ma-digitize mga 'yun; medyo naluluma na rin.

***
October 2004
Derrick,
Thirty-four ka na! Sabagay, ako, sa January, eh 34 na rin. May you have a prosperous family life.

How's Darren now? Long-haired ka pa rin?

Oo nga pala, madalas ko mapanood sa music channels ang Motley Crue and Kiss; ikaw lagi ang naaalala ko. During the time na wala pa akong hilig sa bands ay 'yan na ang posters mo sa house n'yo sa BLS [Better Living Subdivision], right?

O s'ya, hanggang sa muli.

aLfie

***
Tue, 26 Oct 2004

alfie,
Yup, one week na lang tatanda na naman ako. Pero okey lang, mas masaya; p'wede na 'kong maging DOM.

Di pa rin ako nagpapagupit; same pa rin nung last tayong nagkita, sa Megamall, before ka umalis [see photo above]. Si Darren masaya na rin sa Riyadh. (Mas matanda na 'yun, 35 na s'ya nu'ng Oct. 16.) May nakita na s'ya ru'ng classmates n'ya dati.

Madalas ka pa ring kumustahin nina Tito Emer sa 'kin. Minsan pinapabasa ko e-mails mo; sine-save ko ibang e-mails mo; lalo na 'yung may mga tumatama sa 'kin (Lalo na 'yung may pictures mo through the years at kung ano magiging itsura mo pagtanda.)

Dito naman medyo may movement na naman ng New Wave; maliit lang pero solid. Hinahanap ko pa rin minsan sina Rain, baka sakaling naliligaw.

Sulat ka lang lagi. Babasahin ko rin lagi, kahit gaano kahaba!

O s'ya, paalis na naman ako, papunta sa isang walang k'wentang meeting.

babay,
Dek

Fauna of Himapan Forest (Thai Mythology)

Very much into Fantasy Fiction and Mythology since childhood, I include in my all-time favorite reads not only the Classical Mythology of the ancient Greeks and Romans but also the mythologies of other cultures. In the first issue of The Lit'terariat, the Culture and Literature magazine that I made last year as a personal hobby, I wrote several articles about Thailand's culture and literature. One of these articles was "Fauna of Himapan Forest," which I posted several weeks ago on the iSnare Free Articles Web site.

Today I received an e-mail from a certain Jeremiah Huck, informing me that he published the said article on his online magazine.

How inspiring to learn that my literary works have been earning the appreciation of not only friends but also people I don't know. As always, interests in my ideas such as this are fuels to my literary hearth; and I believe that something more fruitful this hobby of mine will bring to my doorsteps soon.

Fauna of Himapan Forest
by aLfie vera mella

Perhaps the most popular realm in Thai mythology, Himapan Forest is the invisible woodland believed to exist in the Himalayas, in the India-Nepal border, just below the equally legendary Buddhist heaven. The fabled forest is home to a great number of mythical beasts that have become symbols of exemplary Thai traits. Some of such fabulous creatures are described below.

GARUDA: Royalty and Supremacy
Half human and half bird, Garuda has the torso and arms of a man and the head, wings, tail, and feet of an eagle. The king of all birds is the favored mount of Vishnu, a deity shared by both the Hindu and the Thai faiths. The Thai people honor Garuda as a symbol of royalty and supremacy. In fact, he represents the Thai monarchy or government, and an artist’s rendition of the majestic creature appears on Thai bank notes and on the royal flag of Thailand.

NOK HASADEE: Ambivalence and Balance
A gigantic elephant-headed bird, Nok Hasadee inhabits the tangled, thorny rattan-cane areas of Himapan, where he patiently waits in camouflage for ungulates—his favored prey. During heavy rains, especially when he is neither furious nor famished, Nok Hasadee fancies making noise by playing an enormous khawng wong yai or, simply, smelling the scent of the forest with his proboscis. This is the reason many Thai natives, especially those of the Central Plains, view thunderstorms as one of Nok Hasadee’s destructive pranks. Nevertheless, they describe him as a paradoxical character—playful yet lonesome, childlike yet predatory.

NAGA: Comfort and Safety
A multiheaded serpent whose main head sports a beard and wears a typical pointed Thai crown, Naga inhabits the densest part of Himapan Forest. It is a half sibling yet a sworn enemy of Garuda. Naga is a familiar motif in Thai architecture, featured frequently on stair handrails of many temples. Thailanders regard the serpent as a symbol of comfort and safety.

PRANORN PUGGSA: Agility and Dexterity
The Thai folk derived the name of this creature from the Thai words pranorn 'monkey' and pugg 'bird' or 'birdlike.' Pranorn Puggsa has a monkey’s head, torso, and forelimbs; the lower body of a bird; and a prehensile feathered tail. Ambidextrous, he is excellent in climbing trees, moving from branch to branch with agility. Pranorn Puggsa fancies mangoes and apples. People describe him as “the tireless and spirited inhabitant of Himapan Forest.”

RAJASI: Grandeur and Magnificence
People depict Rajasi, the king of fierce forest mammals, as a lion whose mane, tail, and paws are burning with golden flames. Most inhabitants of Himapan Forest dread the lion king not for his slyness but for his splendor. Although Rajasi symbolizes grandeur and magnificence, many Thailanders, especially those who are living in the North, blame him for the forest fires.

KINNARI: Gracefulness and Elegance
Half human and half bird, Kinnari has the head, torso, and arms of a beautiful woman and the wings, tail, and feet of a swan. Her voice is enchanting and her gait graceful. She is sometimes depicted playing a khryang ditt, making her a patroness of dance, poetry, and music. Many Thai parents encourage their daughters to emulate the gracefulness and elegance of the swan lady. A favorite subject of artists, Kinnari’s graceful form appears frequently in sculpture and murals.

KINNON-NUA: Swiftness and Serenity
Partly human and partly artiodactyl, Kinnon-nua has the torso and arms of a muscular man and the antlers and lower body of a deer. The swift creature roams Himapan Forest seasonally, safeguarding the realm’s endangered fauna and flora and promoting serenity. Whereas the satyrs of Greek mythology play the panpipe, Kinnon-nua plays the pi chawa. The sylvan Thai native will readily regard him as a symbol of nature.

Vocabulary
ambidextrous, adj. able to use both hands in equal ease.
artiodactyls, n. ungulates that include all types of deer, like antelopes and elks.
prehensile, adj. adapted for grasping.
proboscis, n. a long snout.
sylvan, adj. fond of wooded areas.
ungulates, n. hoofed mammals.

References
[http://www.china-on-site.com/three.php] 02/15/04.
[http://www.thailandlife.com/a_culture.htm] 10/09/03.
“The Literature of Thailand.” [http://www.geocities.com/RainForest/7153/tathome.htm] 10/09/03. [www.pages.drexel.edu/~sg94ep84/PCpage.htm] 02/15/04.

©2004 eLf ideas

Random Thoughts on Some Friends' Thoughts

In the mood to read and then comment on the blog entries of friends, I thought of posting here on my own blog site bits of them which touched my ever-feeling heart and moved my ever-restless hands.

from Ronalisa Co's March 16 entry on her blog site, Public Me:

The Peter Pan in Each of Us
I watched Finding Neverland last night, a film about the famous author J.M. Barrie and his friendship with the family who inspired him to write Peter Pan and the magical world of Neverland.

I loved how the film showed J. M. Barrie’s wild imagination: He looks at one object and imagines it to be doing something else, like how he looked at the boys and imagined them flying out of their room's open window.

The film really touched me, especially that it talked about family matters and of how the death of parents could make grownups out of children. I cried when one of the Llewelyn Davies children, George, told Barrie how worried he was about his mother’s health and how Barrie told him, “Something magical just happened in the last 30 seconds. You just grew up.” Or something like that. It prompted me to send an “I love you, Mama” text message to my mother.

Well, it’s true. When we were little, we didn’t really think about losing our parents. There was this part in each of us that seemed to be telling us that our parents were invincible, that they couldn't die and that they would always be there for us. [That was, perhaps, the Peter Pan in each of us actively working.]

But after some time, as we look at old pictures and compare it with new ones, we realize how much our parents' physical features have changed—wrinkles showing off, white hair on top of their balding heads, and other signs of aging. And then something deep inside will suddenly hit us like a jolt of lightning, that as we grow up and try to wrestle out of their control, they, too, are growing older...and that soon, shall Death come.

Flying Away from Us
Why do some people need to move away? My cousin Wewet and her family are about to move to Canada this coming May. Her husband, Kuya Andy, went ahead of them. By now his plane must already be somewhere leading to the land of their dreams. I didn’t cry last night though, although he has become very close to our family and we will all miss him terribly.What I’m really scared of right now is the time when Ate Wewet and my darling pamangkin, Jammy and Anson, would be going away. I don’t know what I will do. I will cry, of course. Just thinking about it is quite unbearable.

I always tell my friends who are keeping a long-distance relationship that things have become a lot easier for people these days because of the Internet.

Dear Rona,

On Finding Neverland:
You know, I share your fancy on that particular scene in the film which touched your heart: That scene about the child George suddenly turning into a grownup as soon as he began worrying about his mother's health and the prospect of death finally taking her.

Another part of the film that I loved was the scene in which George, after watching the play, told guests that Peter Pan was actually James Barrie himself.

On Long-Distance Relationships:
True, the availability of the Internet, as well as the various communication tools that it enables, plays a major role in helping people-in-love separated by distance. However, the Internet, I think, is just the icing on the cake—the cake being the intensity of the love drawing the two persons together as one despite distance and time.

Nevertheless, I admire the perseverance of our fellow Filipinos, many of them husbands, who had the courage and endurance to work in a faraway country like Saudi Arabia, away from their wives and children, during the era when the only affordable means of communication was writing and sending postal letters. I no longer wonder now what kept their sanity, for I surmise it was none other than love for their loved ones.

On Missing Our Loved Ones:
I very well relate with your predicament. I, too, am missing my nephews and niece in the Philippines. I yearn every unoccupied moment about the happy times I spent with all of them when I was still there. And you know what gives me more pain? To realize that when the time for me to return home and see them again comes, my adorable niece and nephews will not longer be children. All I could ever hope for, when that time arrives, is that the Peter Pan in each of them would have remained in their hearts, never to have flown away and left them to become grumpy grownups.

aLfie

from Edward Enriquez's January 11 entry on his blog site, Simple Mind:

Everything happens for a reason. Hmm... Wait, that may be debatable if you've read the book Angels and Demons, in which the author Dan Brown explains the origin of antimatter.

But I do believe that every person you come in contact with throughout your life, has a purpose. And I have a list of people whom I wanted to meet in the afterlife, whether it be in Heaven or somewhere else. One of them is my father.

Dear Edward,

"...every person you come in contact with throughout your life, has a purpose."

We share the same view on this one. It reminds me of the philosopher Democritus (c. 460–370 BC), who held that every event in the universe is causally determined by preceding events; suggesting that, yes, we have an effect—either negative or positive—on everyone whom and with everything which we come in contact in any period in each of our own lives. And I'd rather be a positive influence; although this is the harder choice for, according to a philosophy to which I ascribe, the tendency to be negative is the nature of humans.

aLfie

from Vayie de Leon's February 26 entry on her blog site, What's the Frequency, Vayie?:

“Why do bad things happen to good people?” My friend Pearl ponderously asked me over a McDonald’s breakfast last Wednesday morning.

I went home with that phrase ringing in my ears over and over again. This is the same question I’ve been asking myself for two weeks now since a myriad of problems started pouring at my doorstep like a plague.

I am a good person.

Sure, I may have done a lot of crazy, naughty things in my life, but who hasn’t? I may have stolen money from my daddy’s wallet when I was in high school, but who hadn't? I may have cursed, lied, enjoyed rumors, sometimes felt vindictive over other people’s failures, but haven’t you?

Dear Vayie,

...because. Just because! Ha-ha-ha.

Let's reverse it:

Why do good things happen to bad people?

Is that not another reality?

So, that leaves each of us with only two choices:

Be bad so good things will happen to you

and

Be good so bad things will happen to you.

Hahaha!

No way out.

The reason Life is a giant puzzle and all of us just mere pieces that wouldn't fit perfectly.

aLfie

from Ivy's March 18 entry on her blog site, Bliss:

...At least five persons in this world love you so much they would die for you.

Question, would you die for someone?

Dear Ivy,

I would rather live, not die, for someone.

aLfie

The Eleventh of a Dozen Verses

March 3, Thursday
*Mired*
My songs have ceased for quite a while,
My light has faded, my milk expired.

My bumblebees have left their hives.
The Cheshire Cat's disappearing act!

My gift of verses has transpired;
The path is mudded, my brain is mired.

March 4, Friday
*Wry*
My pen
Blots, blots, blots...
Dry!

My ink's
Drained, drained, drained...
Dry!

My fingers
Bleed, bleed, bleed...
Dry!

My throat's
Sore, sore, sore...
Dry!

My voice
Cracks, cracks, cracks...
Dry!

My eyes
Cry, cry, cry...
Dry!

My heart's
Numb, numb, numb...
Why?

My mind's
Gone, gone, gone...
Wry!

March 5, Saturday
*Methought*
—Blank as a sheet of paper.
Begone with water vapor!
:Bland as a baker's blunder.

March 6, Sunday
*Dilemma*
Two bulbs are glowing brightly on the wall.
'Twixt them is a rectangular mirror.
I cannot stare at myself with ardor,
All I can see is my face's pallor.

Two opposing forces dwell in my heart.
'Tween them's my faith and sense of conviction.
I can't discern my path and direction.
Where went my diligence and devotion?

Two lives tear me apart; I'm in shambles—
Of staying here and of returning home;
Of bursting in and of bursting out; of
Silently ímploding, víolently éxploding.

Inbetween moments I perceive myself
To be equally hopeful and witty,
And, at the same time, nonsense and hopeless;
Anticipating, procrastinating.

March 7, Monday
*Dragon*
Like a dragon that's dragging its tail,
It's a shame that I could only wail.
I admit that I virtually failed;
My wisdom has again been derailed.

March 8, Tuesday
*Itím*
Bákit kapág ang isáng táo ay masamâ ang ugalì,
Sinasábing budhi niya áy sing-itím ng puwít ng kawalì?

Bákit kapág ang isáng anák ay suwaíl at galâ,
Siya áy binábansagáng itím o ligáw na túpa?

Ba't 'pag ang táo'y masamâ ang tangkâ,
Sinasábing maitím ang bálak niyá?

Bákit itím ang kúlay ng kasamaán,
Samantálang putî ang sa kabutíhan?

Lahát ba ng madumí ay itím?
Lahát ba ng malínis ay putî?

Lahát ba ng maitím ay madumí?
Lahát ba ng maputî ay malínis?

Ang dilím ba'y láging nakapág-aálinlángan?
Ang liwánag ba ay láging kasiguradúhan?

March 9, Wednesday
*Bugháw*
Ano nga ba talagá?
Akó'y nalílito ná!
Di bá't ang áting búha'y
Sámu't sarì ang kúlay.

Ang pula nga bá ay pagmámahalan?
O símbolo ng áway at digmáan?

Bákit nga ba asúkal-na-pulá,
Eh di namán ito kúlay-pulá?

Pag-íbig nga ba ang pahiwátig ng rósas na pulá?
Pula nga bá ang kúlay ng balát ng itlóg-na-pulá?

Pula bá ang dugóng sa 'yong ugát ay nananaláytay?
Ah bastá, ang áking dugô ay hindi pulá ang kúlay.

Sumásampalataya pa rin akó sa balangháw,
Kaya dugóng dumadáloy sa 'king katawá'y bugháw!

March 10, Thursday
*Zenith*
Ride me to the zenith of pleasure.
The love we share's our greatest treasure.
When lust and love result in fruition;
That's the birth of undying passion.

March 11, Friday
*Trite*
How Time flew fast as a peregrine falcon,
But now it's swimming like a wounded triton.

March 12, Saturday
*Tilt*
The juggler suddenly drops a ball,
When the jester abandoned the hall.

March 13, Sunday
*Hale*
Breathe into my mouth the essence of your soul,
Then shall we suck and inhale eternity.

March 14, Monday
*Ebb*

Bleeding,
,
,
,
crying,,,

s
--i
----n
-----k
------i
-------n
---------g

f
a
l
l
i
n
g

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